Regrets in a Total Column

by Charlotte De’Ath

an empty condom packet
top three-quarters frenzy torn
jagged edges of the moment when
three blouse buttons (from a blouse
i no longer own)
pinged off as you ripped it open
to get to my nipples as if you was a child at christmas

last quarter of a bottle of pernod
i might drink the rest today
then masturbate
replacing you’re presence with slippy
recall of blesséd penis angels

one pound twenty seven pence
in loose change that i found on the floor
(must have fallen out of your trousers) but that
i mistook as ninja sarcasm
or your valuation of my performance
a scene that still creates
(light headed and other worldly)
everyday terror thoughts when i consider
was it really worth it

the final remnants of packet of fruit polos
take away the taste of aniseed
and your seed
sugar coating the bitterness of disappointment
with a strawberry flavoured halo

and a polaroid photographic memory of
passion ready to go just your torso
decapitated and footless
so you can’t run away on a whim

… when there would be nothing left
of the whole of us
high kicks and kung-fu kisses
spray-can self-loathing
<slut-whore> graffiti lipstick
tattooed into my body
long ago cleansed in the shower
yet somehow
the meaning won’t wash away

Charlotte was born in the east end of London but now lives in an idyllic cottage situated deep in the beautiful Suffolk countryside. She has published one chapbook ‘Kicks To Hypnotise Suburban Daughters’ by Erbacce Press, and a further one of dark urban fairy tales is in the making. She spends most of her free time playing with the Clueless Collective at: www.cluelesscollective.co.uk.

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