by Heather Dorn
I want to know how to tie knots. They might keep me in place. I want to know how to win friends and influence people. To remember dates and forget conversations that play overandoverandover in my head. To pretend I believe in anything, even god or crystals powered by the moon; horoscopes or ghosts who need me to help them to the other side. To wear the red heels, the strappy heels, the clear heels that light when I click-step to the mailbox in the black dress that matches. I want to sleep in them, wake up late and fall out of bed to meetings, lighting the halls. I want to take your girlfriend, I like her breath. To take your boyfriend, I like his hands. To keep my husband, I love his everything. To forget my mistakes. They are like trick candles. To repeat my mistakes. They are like too much cake. Too much cake. Too much cake. I want to be made from a page. Perfectly lined letters. I want to finish what I’ve finished. I want to remember what I’ve hidden. To be known for making something and proud of my talent for destruction.
Heather Dorn has a Ph.D. in English from Binghamton University. She is the founder of Sappho’s Circle, a community poetry workshop for local women. Her writing can be found in the Paterson Literary Review, the Kentucky Review, Ragazine, Metonym,Helen, Requited, and similar journals. Her first book of poetry, How to Play House, is forthcoming from Autonomous Press in 2017.